Because marriage is an ever-evolving experience, we constantly make changes, and in some cases, begin. In It’s No Secret, the couple share ideas about commitment and tell us what they have learned, revealing the secret to their doing it. (Answers have been edited for reference and location.)
Who Erin Higgins Coles and Drew Coles, both 30.
The business Couple self Metropolitan Players, Is a wedding band company based in New York City. In 2019, she performed at 60 weddings. The number was only 10 last year. Nevertheless, the couple who live on the Upper West Side are busy.
“There have been very few performances at the last moments, with rescheduling of weddings and others and only 14 to 50 guests,” said Mrs Coles. “The largest number of our guests in 2019 was 400, so it was a big change. We are now booking for 2022. “Additionally, Mr. Coles is teaching music entrepreneurship and the music business.
wedding Six years, three months and counting
through the years
The couple were married on October 11, 2014, before 180 guests at Glen Sanders Mansion, Scotland. In NY Way College came together on a song “Hook on Her Word” written together. His first dance was Eric Clapton’s “Wonderful Tonight”.
Erin Coles, and Drew Coles were 18 years old when they met in 2008 at SUNY Potsdam. She was a business and theater major; He was the head of a music business. Both dated others throughout college. A year ahead of him, Mr. Coles graduated in May 2011, but remained in the city for the summer. Both were single by then. In June, he reached out.
“Drew Text asked if I wanted to come out with him and his friends. I wanted to say, but it was my summer to say yes to everything, ”said Mrs Coles.
At a college bar in Potsdam, he ordered shots and danced. Then a kiss came. “Everything went slow and fell silent,” he said. “We saw each other because we both felt it. A few days later, he said, “I could marry someone like you.” I was not willing to listen to that. I thought we would have a flower and then break it and go our separate ways. “
That August, when Mr. Coles was packing his luggage and going to Manhattan, he read Mrs. Coles. “We felt that we didn’t want to live without each other,” she said. “We decided to commit to a long distance relationship.”
The next year they saw each other every other month, staying in cheap hotels, video chatting and sending love letters. On 19 November 2012, Mr Coles surprised Mrs Coles by proposing to her alma mater. “I went to the theater with a friend and someone was playing” Mary Me “by the train on the stage on the piano. The candles were lit below. My eyes from a distance are not so good,” said Mrs. Coles, who He took to the stage for a closer look and realized that this is him. “I went on stage and he proposed. When I said yes, a string quartet played a song that we wrote together. He hired a photographer and videographer. My parents were there. It was a tornado. “
That Christmas the couple took to Astoria, Queens. They were married two years later.
What have they learned
Mrs coles We have the same goal of where we want to live, but disagree on how to get there. He dives right in; I am risk-averse. We rarely see eye to eye. This is a major challenge in our business and in our relationships.
Drew would leave during our quarrel because we were nowhere. I wanted him to stay. Before the holidays in 2017, we had a massive argument. He left and I went home without him to my parents, which was a tradition, and really important to me – it’s Christmas and my birthday and a time for family. There was a wake-up call for my husband not to live. We realized that we would have to change.
We are competitive and stubborn. Because we work together, we have lost as a pair. Now we set aside time for ourselves individually and as a couple. We date dinner, take a walk, ask each other questions about our lives, and share things we may not know about the other person. This is a deeper level of talking that we usually do. And we do not talk about work. We have matured into this relationship.
Drew is supportive and confident, thoughtful, caring and driven. He is passionate and fully committed to our relationship. I have learned to challenge myself and take more risks. He has learned to loosen and enjoy the little things in life. He has become better at showing his feelings. He had built a wall to get closer to my family. His childhood was very difficult and he was raised by his grandparents. They have learned how important family is.
Drew initially found Kovid before the city closed. It was hard to see him so sick. I kept thinking, “What if he doesn’t make it?” I was horrified. I could not even think of life without him.
We both want to be parents. Last year, being together every moment of every day helped us to be with each other in ways we had not been able to before. Kovid slowed us down and brought us to the same page.
Mr coles I love Erin’s heart. She is stupid at lying, which I love. She is the carrier of old traditions; I am the carrier of new. I was disabled by Kovid. I have understood that Erin will take care of me if I am in a place of turmoil.
Erin is loving and has made me a strong communicator. He helped me understand who and what I am. He taught me the importance of family, what family really is and what a family can be. As open as mine was, it was not as open and welcoming as it was. I have learned what I need to take from my past and what I want to bring into my future and be like a father. Now that we have worked on some of our issues, it is enough to see what we are bringing to this marriage, this relationship and what kind of parents we will be, we are working on starting a family .
We have spent a dark time in our relationship, making it difficult to know where we will end up. Marriage takes work and too much self-reflection. Hard work is asking, “Is it worth the fight?” And “Why am I bringing friction to the relationship?”
I have learned to love better. We did not validate each other in the way we needed to. We have learned to be less selfish. Being kind to each other in logic. When you don’t find it easy to smile at the other person, you have to give a tough fight, but you do it because they need it. We are learning to stop and appreciate each other even in bad times. There is no world without each other.