Disenfranchised Grief in a Year of Pandemic Losses

The lockdown had an immediate financial impact on Los Angeles writer Annabelle Gurvich, who lost assignments and speaking engagements. Publicity for her new book, “When You’re Leaving ?: Adventures in Downward Mobility,” Has become virtual. But it was when her child’s graduation from Bard College went online and she found herself weeping in her backyard. His child worked hard and also started a Sobri Club on campus.

“I was very proud of him graduating college in four years,” she said. “David Byron was considered a speaker. There is a lot of grief going on, and I felt like a terrible person getting upset that I can’t go to my child’s graduation and see David Baer. It is low at the victim level. But damn, we got our baby through four years. The child calmed down during college. Do I have permission to say that we were disappointed? “

Around the same time as an undergraduate, Ms. Gurwich developed a cough. He underwent a coronavirus test and chest X-ray, which eventually led to stage 4 lung cancer. After her cancer diagnosis, Ms. Gurvich began to see that her friends began to ease their own struggles and sorrows. A friend was diagnosed with breast cancer and had to undergo a double mastectomy, but she did not want to tell him because she thought breast cancer was not as bad as lung cancer.

“I had her out,” Ms. Gurvich said. “It is terrible to feel that you do not have a place of unhappiness.”

Asked by 38-year-old Erin that her full name not be used to protect her privacy, she said another year of fertility was lost during the epidemic. After suffering an abortion a few years ago, she was trying to conceive, but her husband did not think it was wise to start a pregnancy during an epidemic. “Mother’s Day came, and I was going to be 38 years old, and it became clear that I didn’t have a lot of time left,” she said. “That biological clock – The tick is very loud, and it is a very real thing. “

Erin said that her marriage was breaking up, and she realized that if she wanted to be a mother, she would have to pursue it herself. She and her husband are now getting divorced, she is taking steps to freeze her eggs, and she is discovering adoption and foster care. She said that the misery of infertility and miscarriage has only increased from the epidemic life, as she reflected in the family life of the people through video calls.

“A coworker, every time we talk, he talks about the Lamez class,” she said. “It’s great for them, but it’s not okay for me to say that I’m struggling with it. I lost a child. I lost my fertile years. It’s an area I’m really struggling with. This is not something we talk about openly as a society. “

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