Remember When We Asked You to Save the Date? Don’t

My son and his fiance are getting married in September. We are all excited! Issue: We created two guest lists, one close friends and relatives who would certainly be invited and one of whom we would like to join, but until we had a better understanding of the acceptance number, received the invitation. will not do. Unfortunately, the bridal couple mailed save-to-date cards to both groups. We are hoping that Kovid will no longer hold large ceremonies until the wedding date, but there is a limit on the number of guests who stay at the venue. Is there a beautiful way to invite those who receive cards saved in error?

Mother of

we all make mistakes. (And we are definitely at war with the parties.) Before I turn to the couple’s accident, let me put a big point here: Now setting dates for big gatherings is a bit optimistic. Yes, we have promising news about Kovid vaccines, and many states have allowed larger weddings, but the epidemic is not over. We do not know how it will proceed or when it will be safe to regroup.

The possibility of a September wedding means an August RSVP date. (You’ll need time to chase late responders and mail the next wave of invitations.) If your guests plan to vaccinate before attending large ceremonies, this time is very much based on current rates Sounds aggressive. Furthermore, we do not yet know that vaccination prevents community dissemination.

I hate a downgrade! Prepare yourself, however, for the possibility that many invitees will decline your invitation citing security concerns. (This can hurt your feelings.) Others may accept, then later when reality hits, change your mind. (Annoying!) And some unworthy guests may be present because they think they won’t come after being called guilty.

Now, to your question: This is not for inviting those whom you have asked to save the date. If the acceptance rate is low enough then you may have room for everyone. But the better solution is to postpone the big wedding now and wait for a new date to be set until the CDC tells us that the big parties are safe and how to handle them.

Credit …Christoph Neiman

My husband always went to a barber who also looked after his ear hair. Ever since the epidemic started, my husband has cut his hair and neglects his ears. I told him that he looked foolish, but he waved at me like “men have ears.” So, I bought him a trimmer, which has gone unused. I think it is important that we try to look good to each other, and I cannot ignore him for my feelings. am I wrong?

wife

Many of us are now amateur aesthetics. (As Whitney Houston sang: “That’s not right, but it’s okay.”) Maybe your husband doesn’t really care for ear hair, or maybe he’s just putting a little weed in his tender ear canal Are afraid.

Why not propose to help him? Problem solved! If you don’t, or if he refuses, let it go. His control over his body is more important than your decisions about him. He will eventually go back to the barber, right?

I often share food (safely) with an old friend who criticizes how much I eat. If I finish my meal, she says, “Well, you’ve definitely enjoyed it!” She herself, eats small portions and usually leaves half her food on her plate. She is thin, and while my weight is normal, I take her statements as implicit criticism. What should I do?

ANONYMOUS

To declare! Unless your friend is mean – in which case, why are you dining with him so often? – She may not know that she is hurting your feelings. Her comment may be a general, just a habit or a verbal tick.

The next time she does so, she says, “It makes me feel self-aggrandized when you comment on how much I’ve eaten.” Please do not. “I am sure she will be happy to oblige you and wish you to speak soon.” This can also lead to an interesting conversation.

My mother-in-law recently died, and I and my husband are spending evenings and weekends. Has worked a lot! I received a silver candlestick with a note from the deceased cousin: Apparently, the candlestick is part of the family’s immigration story, and the cousin asked that it be kept in the family. My husband plans to call to see who wants it. But I think I deserve it. I’m a family, and I got it. I want to sell it and use the money to return my flute. idea?

The mind

This candlestick is a family legacy, not the $ 20 you got in an overcoat pocket. You are actually part of the family by marrying, and assuming that candlestick is not given to someone else as per your mother-in-law’s wishes or by the laws of succession, you and your husband may have a reasonable claim to it. (Inventor keepers do not rule here.) Selling it, however, would be disrespectful to the wishes of your husband’s cousin and his family.


For help with your awkward situation, send a question to Facebook or Philippe Gully on Facebook at SocialQ@nytimes.com @SocialQPhilip On twitter


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