Should I Come Out to My Parents?

I am a high school senior and the daughter of evangelical Christians. I have kept my sexuality secret from them. During the epidemic, I became lonely, so I started chatting on LGBTQ message boards. Unfortunately, I was careless with my browser history. My mother saw it and threw it out. He swears to me that I am not gay. I did My parents are also making me talk to their minister every week. If I don’t, they say I have to leave the house. He also threatened not to help with college costs the following year. (They are not joking.) So, now I am lying to their minister too. I hate this! I like to consider myself a good person. Should i come clean

Anonymous

Right now, when the power gap between you and your parents is so great and the consequences of the threat of honesty can hurt you so badly (and unfairly), truth is a luxury you cannot afford . Keep lying! You are not a bad person.

You are trying to avoid the bigotry of your parents on the unchanging part of your identity. For now, pay attention to safety: keep a roof over your head and stay in school. When you are able to support yourself, decide how far ahead you want to be with your parents. (Their views may change.)

Remember: You did not choose any of these. And there is nothing to be ashamed of for self-preservation. Over time, you will see that the heartbeat numbers of LGBTQ youth are forced into the same bad bond as you. Look at yourself and keep an eye on people you can talk to safely. If I can help, please contact.

Credit …Christoph Neiman

I received an email at my car dealership evaluating customer service. My experience has not been good. Despite our state’s mask mandate, many people do not wear masks indoors, including public-facing employees and other customers. When I spoke to the manager, he first said that I made a mistake. Then he said that he was not ready to tell customers about the mask. I gave one out of five stars to the dealership and explained why. Now, the manager has asked me to change my rating. He said that from my review he will face a pay cut next month which he cannot afford. They told me that I would receive another email, asking me to restart the dealership. What should I do?

Gayle

Before I go to the manager, I must practice reaching out to the reviewers to do a ridiculous, albeit normal, swipe of the dealership. Customer surveys are intended to assess and improve service, not to annoy customers with their honest responses. Do not change a word!

Now, as a manager, he wants it both ways: He refuses to ask customers or employees to wear masks (though he can easily do so by citing your state’s mask mandate). And he wants you to quietly bear unnecessary health risks. I have sympathy for the new challenges of service jobs. But this manager is way off. Perhaps a financial hit would encourage him to rethink his approach.

I just turned 67 and was feeling great about myself. I look like a healthy older woman. So, when they open the doors for me and say, men like to smile: “Here you go, young lady”? Do they think I don’t have a calendar or a mirror? The last time this happened, I felt terrible about myself for hours. How to respond?

Nancy

Your face is so immersed in sexism and agism that I doubt a speedy withdrawal will help you much. This is how these people feel entitled to comment on your age, albeit in cutesy fashion. But the fact that you give male strangers the power to feel bad about themselves “for hours” is equally disheartening.

Next time this happens, be straight: “You realize you’re calling me lady young, okay?” I’m sure you don’t do this for men. But your big takeaway, I hope, will be the only person whose opinion of your presence matters!

My youngest grandson is bright and loving, but he struggles in school. At the age of 6, he sometimes kills and taunts other children. His parents and teachers are working hard with him. But I recently found out that their parents give monthly cash gifts to their public-school teacher because my son doesn’t think the teacher earns enough. Is it true?

grandmother

Your son’s heart is in the right place. Most public-school teachers are underpaid. Still, most districts have rules about gifts to teachers. And there are good reasons for these rules: Parents should not feel pressured to give, and teachers should not bribe.

However, assume that your grandchildren’s teachers and parents know the rules in their district. Do you really want to involve yourself in the sensitive issue of your grandchildren’s behavior problems? Rules are important. But nobody asked for your advice here.


For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, Phillip Lane on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip On twitter


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