Sorry, Sometimes You Do Have to Be Uncomfortable

That said, you can only do so much and, frankly, you have done enough. You may well be surrounded by people who are reluctant or uninterrupted to live in the real world where diversity exists. If so, it may be that you need to move to an organization whose values ​​align more with yours.

I work for a non-profit organization, where I have been employed for most of the last 30-plus years. I am a little workaholic. A few weeks ago, my manager asked everyone in a meeting to say what our stress level is, on a scale of one to 10. I told the truth: 10. A week later, the theme for the manager’s morning email was time management: basically, anyone who says they are busy or has too much work actually has poor time management skills. I considered it a public cinematography and a colleague also reported high levels of stress. Email is not the only thing I don’t like about the manager, but it feels like a proverbial straw, the latest in a stream of outrageous actions. Do all the bosses do this? If I decide to keep it out until I am eligible for social security, what is the best way?

– Anonymous, Madison, Wis.

Your manager is passive aggressive and has some toxic ideas about work culture. I don’t know that she was shaming you, because she was judging you, which is not much better. But who cares what she thinks? You are stressed Most people are. Your manager is just getting petty. Ignore her silly incitements. You have been in your organization for over 30 years. You can see the light at the end of the employment tunnel. You can get through this. If you have the energy for this, you can definitely look for new jobs. Or you can just make it out. You did not share how long you have to work to qualify for Social Security benefits, but I think it is less than 10 years. It is time to find out that you are beyond your work. You can be great at your job without being a workaholic. Keep doing your best, but find other things outside of work to add something to that intensity. As I wrote in this column, you will never like the job. You don’t invest your full identity for what you do because when the job refuses to love you back, when it disappoints you, you leave nothing and you are much better off.

I am in the process of hiring a new writer. He influenced all of us in the interview process. We made him an offer and he accepted it verbally. Then he sent us some questions about the details of the proposal. We had sent some benefit details and vague information on the numbers of his benefits that he had signed.

The day her acceptance was about to return, she phoned Human Resources – not me, to the hiring manager – to say she had another offer on a higher salary. She said that she would take our offer for an additional $ 10,000. I really doubt the level of the second offering. But others wanted to pursue it and gave him a $ 5,000 bump. When I called with Counterfire, I mentioned her competitive offer and she brushed it off – ‘Oh, that, I’ll take it. I would like to work for you. ‘

I think we played. I can’t shake the feeling that she lied to us and went around me. What do i do with this feeling?

– Anonymous

Your new employee is not withdrawing money from your bank account. Why are you under so much pressure about his negotiation strategy or how much he is being paid? You certainly do not know that she is lying about offering competition, but if she is, she is not the first nor will she be the last person to do a hypothetical job negotiating for higher compensation. Will reveal the offer. Feeling as if he were sensible, he did his homework and shot. Let go of the feeling that he lied and sidelined your authority. He is hustling. He will, hopefully, stir the job every day and be a great employee. If not, you will handle the case accordingly. I understand why you are irritated by the way you go about this, but this is referring to your bitter ego. Kicking the nurse and moving forward. You are still the boss.

Roxanne Gay The author is, most recently, “Hunger” and a contributing writer. Write on it

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