What Can I Do About My Lying Twin?

My twin brother and I exchange gifts on our birthday. In recent years, he has become lazy about it. His renditions often seem like last-minute attempts. This year was our 30th birthday, so I expected a little more. But when he arrived at my house, he said that he would leave my present in my friend’s car and give it to me later. It seemed fishy, ​​and he never gave me a gift. Then came my husband’s birthday last month. My brother sent a birthday text and said that the card and gift would soon come in the mail. Sure enough, nothing came. I am more upset about my brother lying than the absence of a gift. Should I say something about his dishonesty or let it go?

sister

I know many people like your brother. (I’ve even been to him on occasion!) He says whatever he thinks will be smooth on the weirdness he’s feeling. By pretending to have a gift for you when he knows he needs it, but, of course, he does not trade his credibility for immediate comfort. Sad news

At the moment, he may intend to buy you a gift later. But he does not. So, what starts out as a well-intentioned one becomes a lazy lie. He also draws special attention to his thoughtlessness: by not giving any gift, he makes you feel worse. The central problem does not lie, however – it is easy grasping for the exterior.

Tell her: “I think you feel guilty for blowing gifts. But when you promise to give one, you do not underline the fact that you cannot be bothered. Do you want to stop exchanging gifts? “If you can do it slowly, you can help your brother deal with an ugly habit (which is probably not limited to you) and stop hurting your feelings.

Credit …Christoph Neiman

I applied for the job and was thrilled when the hiring manager contacted me to set up a phone interview. After briefly asking about my experience, he told me that the work is from Monday to Friday. I felt that this would be a remote setup due to the epidemic. She explained that the company has very strong security protocols, but I told her that I would not be comfortable working in an office until I was vaccinated (and I think I would be more comfortable with it before that. Lol, it will be a while). She said that she understood and ended the interview. I sent a thank you note, but to be honest, I was angry that it wasted my time. Hasn’t he told us about the on-site setup in our email exchange? Was there a kind way to express my frustration?

I.

Your annoyance overshadowed me. I understand that you are disappointed, but the whole process looks like it took less than 30 minutes. Guidelines for the presence of many companies are in flux right now. So, unless your correspondence with the hiring manager was voluntary, I think he behaved appropriately.

More importantly, you missed two golden opportunities here: to ask him about the company’s protocol, which could satisfy you, and whether you would consider letting him work from home until he was vaccinated. Applying for a job is a conversation. Try to keep it going until you find the possibilities.

Last week, in a boredom of the epidemic, I brought a broken ancient chair, which had been thrown by our neighbors. I spent a few days in my workshop fixing it. It looks great now, and I would like to give it back to them. My wife thinks it will be weird. (We don’t know them.) I can leave it on my porch anonymously or find another house for it if our neighbors don’t want it. What do you think

David

I love your idea, David – and not just because I have worn two million epidemic hats, which I have come to know on almost everyone. Your gesture seems neighborly and kind. And what a great way to meet the people living on your street!

Put on a mask and bring a chair to their door. Introduce yourself and thank them for giving them an epidemic project. Then tell them that you want to give them a refurbished chair, but if they don’t want to, you will be happy to take it. Kindness is always welcome, especially in times like these.

I am a college student who returned to campus this semester. Ever since I came back, my absolute hero is the doctor who runs student health services. I have asked him a million questions about Kovid-19, and he always gives time to answer them. Problem: Yesterday, I saw him walking in a shop without a mask. now what?

All

If you knew the song “If You Can Read My Mind” (either a Gordon Lightfoot original or a thrilling disco version of my youth), you would probably remember its best song: “Heroes often fail.” They are only human!

You never stepped outside and realized that you forgot a mask? The doctor on campus probably missed it eventually. Next time, remind him softly. He will thank you!


For help with your awkward situation, send a question to SocialQ@nytimes.com, to Philip alleys on Facebook or @SocialQPhilip On twitter


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